cmac_design's Journal

writing what i eat every day...
hey ladies, I am going to costa rica in 3 weeks, so extra incentive to not eat. I have decided to post what I am writing every day. It will motivate me NOT to eat since i will feel more ashamed when I have to write it and tell everyone what piggish stuff I ate. So here goes.

breakfast - fiber 1 cereal with soymilk (250 cals)
lunch - granola bar, butternut squash soup, chick pea salad (350 cals)
dinner - veggie/tofu stirfry with rice (350 cals)
drinks - water
total: 950 calories.

super disgusting but I will try for 800 tomorrow and keep working my way down.

liquids fast
i have reached the limit of disgustingness. Something is really wrong with me....

liquid fast until monday...

soup, smoothies, tea, water....

update: got gym membership and personal trainer.... going to see nutritionist on monday... naturopathic practitioner... going to talk to her about my eating issues... i fast then i binge on carbs like no tomorrow, never used to do this, well like maybe 2 time a month but now its 2 times a week at least... i think it has something to do with me being depressed, apparently it can cause bad carb cravings. plus, i have been drinking a lot with friends and thats usually when i binge... i guess i will be going straight edge! no cigarettes, no alcohol, no food. (easier said than done). Im still trying to learn to purge but its not working, tried spinning around and using a toothbrush, i guess my gag reflexs are low.... FUCKKKKKK.... i hate not eing able to purge, now i just take laxatives, and i dont wanan get dependIf anyone wants to fast with me til monday id love the support!!

love u guys,

think thin....

so my goal today was 400 cals and i fuct up of course!!! i suck

breakfast: 4 strawberries 55 cals
lunch: plain salad with balsamic vinagrette, carrots and dip, 1 timbit..... 200 cals
dinner: cooked tofu on a piece of iceburg lettuce with low-cal italian dressing: 130 cals

BUTTTTTTT then i had to fuck up and 2 bowls of cereal and 4 crackers with peanut butter EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

so I proly had about 800 cals today, and the majority of it was at dinner... im gonna do some pilates tonight to try and burn about 100 cals. AT LEAST fucckkk im never gonna get to 120 at this rate!!!!! I was 122 today... i gotta be 121 2morrow and tehn 120 on saturday.... im gonna have to restrict to 300 cals 2morrow. FAKKKK I SUCK

i cant remember what i ate yesterday, everything is so foggy... im so sick i think i have the flu...... i feel so horrible, my head is going to explode!!!

i ate today....

breakfast: apple sauce 60 cals
lunch: all bran bar 100 cals
dinner: soup and 4 strawberries 150 cals
snack: 13 crackers, 1 1/2 celery stick with peanut butter approx 350 cals (due to the peanut butter)

total: 660 cals

i think yesterday was about 800 cals but then i ate some candy that my friend took out while watching the season finale of greys anatomy... gobbstoppers i think... pure sugar, grosssss

fridays intake:

breakfast: nothing (tea)

lunch: apple, applesauce cup and some dried fruit from a bag of trail mix

dinner: 1 cup applesauce unsweetened but i added 2 tbson of brown sugar and vegetable soup.

went out on friday night, what a crazy night it was! i had a sugar free red bull and some diet cokes cuz i was driving but i had 1 sex on the beach and 1 coke cuz my friend forgot to order me diet! and then we went to montforts after and i fuct up and got a falafal pita!! booo... so today im gonna eat less than i have written down to eat.... today i havent had anything and its noonish but ill proly eat a small dinner.
2morrow im gonig to my friends gym, should be good were going to work out and then go to the yoga/body flo class!!

so im not losing any weight dammit. I am starting my own version of the sacred heart diet regemin. I can always count on losing at least 5lbs doing it!!

today:
breakfast: 3 strawberries, blueberries and sprinkled on a bit of all bran.
lunch: about 1/2 cup trail mix, veggie burger, apple
dinner: 1 veggie dog (no bun), veggie soup, and THEN... i binged on cereal... all bran with brown sugar and soymilk!! i was doing soooooo well until that.... fuck, starting 2morrow im strictly following my food schedule. I will post it if anyone wants to see, its a 7 day, 3 meal kinda thing.

I worked out 2nite and last night, 2nite i did 290 cals plus i ran/jogged to the gym. yesterday i did 340 cals plus weights.

still no progress proly cuz im gaining muscle weight but my tummy is disgusting, cant seem to tone it up cuz im always too tired to do pilates after i come home from the gym!!!!

anyways, its super late and i gotta work in the AM... night night

well another day, another fist full of food.... ugh wtf is my problem

breakfast: english muffin with jam

lunch: trail mix, salad with carrots and cucumber (balsamic vinager for dressing) and applesauce cup

dinner: tofu salad (low cal italian dressing), all bran bar, 6 crackers with jam, 4 with peanut butter, and a bowl of vector cereal.

DINNER=BINGE i cant seem to stop it.... i go to the gym every night and i keep thinking, oh i iwll workk it off but the idea is to LOSEEEEEE not maintain this horrible weight im at.

this may sound gross but i also havent gone #2 in like 4 days, i feel so bloated, no cramps today but i had some yesterday. Im gonna buy some laxatives this weekend, i know they dont help eliminate calories but i will feel better in my tummy knowing that this food ive been eating is going bye bye.

k so i hate myself, i can feel my stomach move when i walk.... ugh im dissssgusting... like fattest ever. i hatttttteeeeeeee myself sooo much.

breakfast: 4 strawberries
lunch: banana, carrots&celery, applesauce
dinner: tofu salad, 9 crackers with jam, 1 all bran bar

work out: 330 cals plus weights at the gym

also ate some pickles while i watched american idol.

proly about 700 cals today

2morrow im going to try for 600 cals and go down from there. work out every day, minimum 300 cals and if i dont do weights i have to do pilates, my main disgustingness on my bosy right now is my stomach thats were all my fat gets stored, how gross is that. no bathing suit for me... until my tummy is flattttt. goal: 120 by friday... i think thats 1lb a day, totaly possible, i dont even care if some of it is water weight. that scale needs to say 120.

i dont think i updated at all this weekend, I was too busy being a fat pig. I binged when I went to visit my family. It was horrible, I am such a fat ass, I can;t even fit into most of my jeans anymore. I have to wear my fat pants, stupid love handles!! I dunno what to do, i am sick of this.... i work so hard to lose weight and then its all wasted in one weekend. I am so mentally weak, no control whatsoever when i am at my parents house. at my apartment I am fine because I have all my diet foods but when i go to my parents, most of the time they dont have any veggies.... and im a vegan so all thats left is the carbs. I hate carbs!!! so here is what I ate today:

breakfast-nothing
lunch- veggie pattie with plum sauce, 1 fig neuton
dinner-tofu salad (absolutly amazing, i made the tofu taste like chicken), and an all-bran bar for some added fiber.

total cals: probably 550... hard to say how much the salad was with the spices and low cal dressing

This is going to be hardcore working out eating minimally... just not to the point where i binge because that always sets me back.

i hope i dont binge 2nite :( i get bad cravings for peanut butter, i dont have it at my apartment but my parents do, ugh!

thursdays intake
breakfast: all bran bar (tea to drink)
lunch: salad, grapes, 1 timbit, (pepsi and tea to drink)
dinner: soup, celery with hummus, english muffin with some peanut butter

today was about 800 cals i'd say.... only cuz of that stupid pepsi i drank but i really needed the caffeine at work ,i was dying!!

todays food intake: (i am ashamed today....)

breakfast: cereal
lunch: all bran bar, apple, apple sauce, 3 timbits
dinner: hummos pita and 2 fig neutons.. the pita was 280 cals and i added homemade hummos and veggies... oh and i had a stick of celery with natural peanut butter.

me and my friends had a vegan cooking night at my apartment, it was so much fun but i wish i didnt have it with a pita

I did some pilates today and I weighed myself and ive lost over 5 lbs.... yay for me

2morrow for lunch im packing salad and grapes. i think ill skip on breakfast and just have my usual green tea cuz this pita really filled me up!!

couldnt get on live journal last night but heres what i ate yesterday:

breakfast: english muffin with jam (drink=tea)
lunch: apple, all bran bar, 21 grapes and 3 timbits (drinks=water and green tea)
dinner: soup, spinich salad, 2 fig neutons

ok so proly like 900 cals, not good not good.... buttttt, ive been sheding the pounds just by cutting back on cals and carbs and i dont eat late at night, usually go to bed with a bit of a grumbbly tummy. Plus, after dinner i went to the gym and burned 300 cals!

anyway, i will update again tonight with todays intake... im aiming for less than yesterday, which wont be too hard.

breakfast: 3 large strawberries, 1 teaspoon brown sugar
lunch: banana, grapes, all bran bar (100 cals), and 2 timbits AHHH... my boss brought some in to work today, booo
dinner: i went to a vegetarian restaurent with my friend and had a salad and tofu but she got some vegan chocolate cake and i ate some

today i went to the gym and burned 300 cals plus i walked for about an hour today. I hope that burned off the timbits and bites of cake i had, ugh!! at least it was a small piece, the restuarents portions are small for desserts.

My goal is to be 120 by thursday... I weighed myself at work with clothes on (tehy have a scale in the bathroom) and i was 123. 2morrow, def nothing sweet.... i have some leftover lentil soup and lots of lettuce that I can fill up on if i get hunger pains.

sunday
breakfast: nothing
lunch: veggie burger, 3 strawberries and some grapes, 2 cookies
dinner: lentil soup, 1 veggie dog, some pickle slices and 2 fig neutons, slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter

dinner was a binge... ugh!!! not a horrible one but still, shouldnt have had those cookies or slice of bread... 2morrow i will do better tho... trying to be at 118 by friday! i dont even know how much i weigh, ill havet to check 2morrow but its proly 123 or something around there.

saturday i ate...
saturday......

breakfast: nothing
lunch: vegetable soup, medium sized salad (contained romaine lettuce, carrots, greenpepper, almonds, balsamic vinagrette dressing)and some earl grey tea
dinner: veggie burger with plum sauce (NO BUN) and sweet peas... and 5 fries later on (baked not fried, my mom made them and left them out)

i went out drinking and had mostly rum and cokes and vodka with juice... hopefully it wasnt tooooo many calories...

today im going for a long walk, my cat is missing and im going to make up posters and put them up around the area, wish me luck!

breakfast: blueberries
lunch: veggie burger, carrots, apple
dinnr: veggie burger, brocoli, 2 fig neutons

here is the bad part, at the bar i had a vodka pineapple... and we went to montforts mediteranean restuarent after and I ate some hummos with a pita... it was a small pita but stillllllllll, ewww to bread i wanna throw up but ive tried and cant. Ill work it off 2morrow wit some pilates or a jog!!!

today is the first day of the rest of my life
Fuck food, I am starting back at keeping my online diary. It keeps me in line. I hate food, and I hate when its around me at work because I binge so easily. Fuck binges, I am so pissed, I binged last night more than ever in my life. I am disgusted. I am going to eat as little as possible for the next 2 weeks, no carbs (bread, cereal etc). Im still gona have veggies, soup, nuts, fruit, veggie burgers and veggie dogs.. and maybe some low fat tofu and apple sauce. Ok so here is what im at today:

breakfast: green tea
lunch: lemon gren tea, apple/banana/carrotts/celery and dip.. currently drinking some lemonade but it has sugar so imma stop.
DInner: Imma have some leftover tofu & brocoli stirfry (about 1.5 cups) with some more green tea.

holla at your ED gurl if you wanna chat, i love the support.

Other ways of motivation besides talking to u girls: I just put up some thinspirtation on my cork board in front of my computer from the victorias secret catalogue. If my roomates ask I will tell them that they are outfits im gonna buy soon!!

Im trying to get to the gym evveryday to burn 300 cals on the elliptical and im buying a set of dumbells this weekend, I also do pilates. Buuutttt I need to do this stuff like EVERY DAY!!! I also live in a big city so i do a lot of walking, to and from work... only like 20 mins of walking but when i was in school it was about an hour. Ok well thats it for this entry!

breakfast - nothing
lunch - nothing
dinner - cereal and soy milk - 190 cals plus 4.5 saltines with peanut butter - 190 cals
drinks: water
total cals: 380

i painted the bedroom of my new place today... i must have burned a lot of calories, it really hurt my arms. However, yesterday i binged.. i did well all day...

breakfast: toast and p/b= 150 cals (low carb bread)

lunch: fat free "real fruit" candies= 200 cals and a cookie=60 cals

then for dinner i went out with friends, it was my last day at work so we went to a restuarent and i was so pissed cuz i wanted a salad in appetizer size and they wouldnt offer it. so i had already ordered rice and I didnt wanna take back my order... so i had a bowl of rice and a HUGE salad. plus a piece of that pan bread they give u to start. Then i go out drinking with my friends but I didnt have much cuz its a lot of cals but when we got home around 3:00am I had 2 friends over and they wanted food so i had like 5 cookies and then had tostitos with salsa and hummus!!! omg is was like a binge fest it was horrible. Either way i had no appetite today whatsoever until i got home from painting around 8:00pm. I only gained 1lb from my binge but it still sets me back. 2morrow im going to the beach so ill be away from my kitchen! yay! im gonna try for 1 meal again 2morrow or just 3 very small ones to get my metabolism back to normal kinda.

breakfast - 5 small strawberries and 1 piece of toast w/ strawberry jam 180 cals

lunch - 4 crackers with p/b - 160

dinner - 2 cracker with hummus and 2 veggie dogs with honey mustard - 190

after work - salad 80 cals

total : 610

Todays calories: 610 approx.

still cant get myself to 300 cals a day, proly cuz today I ate a pita from pita pit and it was 350 cals alone. I just got veggies and honey mustard.

later I had a sip of iced tea and 4 saltine crackers, 2 with hummus and 2 with peanut butter.

dinner was broccoli with balsamic vinager and a 1/2 cereal

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